I Want You To Open Up More

Why did we lose the social part of social media?

Social media was intended to foster community, creating a place to build and maintain relationships. In the early days of smartphones it worked beautifully. People all over the world connected over shared interests, pop culture, news events. We posted dog eared selfies freely, live tweeted our favorite shows using specialized hashtags. Somehow that idea has gotten lost on us as time progressed.

The idea of connecting fell apart as smartphones exited its infancy stage. Phones matured and so did the audience that used it. We became hyper aware of appearances and aesthetics, to the point where many have purchased professional cameras to take pictures for Instagram. There’s a trend on TikTok of people posting side by side “What I hesitated to post now” vs “What I posted back then”, comparing the preplanned and uber-edited pictures of the modern age to the pictures we posted a decade ago without second guessing.

Now we overthink every post, every story, every like. It seems like many of us yearn for a time of carefree posting. What happened? I have a few ideas.

We are in a “Loneliness Epidemic”. Even though we have more ways than ever to connect with each other, we feel increasingly separated from those around us. A few months back I listened to a Vox podcast where they acknowledged that social media isn’t what it used to be and asked what was the last good day on the internet. They concluded that “The Dress” was the last viral moment that was felt by everyone on the internet since we were all seeing the same things through reposting and commenting.

Since then, apps like Instagram and Twitter have changed their algorithm to behave like TikTok’s, showing you more and more content based on what you’ve previously shown interest to, creating an echo chamber. That’s why it may feel like everyone in America is watching the same show as you or why you might believe a lot of people share your beliefs.

At their time of inception, both Twitter and Instagram allowed you to see what others have liked, with the latter once having a whole page dedicated to seeing the activities of everyone you were following. Both of these features have been reshaped with current algorithms: likes of users are employed to provide content onto your home page, an effort designed to keep you on these apps longer. To many it still feels like an invasion of privacy, your personal interest shared with everyone. This has been around in some form since the start of social media but perhaps sentiments have changed. So what else is going on?

Hate is in. It’s trendy, and I won’t lie, sometimes it’s funny. People will label themselves as proud haters, negative comments get the most likes, it becomes a race to see how low people can go. Sometimes you can watch a video and know what the comments will look like before you even open them. People get quite creative with their insults, emboldened by the pseudo-confidence that comes with posting anonymously. And we sit back and laugh because it’s funny - until it happens to you. Rather than exposing ourselves to the potential line of fire, we close off and don’t share anything.

I see many people talk about how they don’t like to post on Instagram because it is full of people-watchers who don’t engage with you in any form. No likes, no comments, no shares. I know a lot of people like that, even some of the closest people to me don’t show me love. I doubt it’s malicious (in my cases at least) but it does make you wonder: what is the true cost of support?

People ration their likes as if they have to pay for them. I can assure you they are free. Let someone know that you’ve seen what they’ve posted. Share a win with them, motivate them to keep going.

I get that a lot of people that follow me chose to because of me as a person, not my art. But it’s like dating a single parent - it’s a package deal.

I try not to let lack of likes distract me. In my head I tell myself it’s okay because at the end of the day I’m not doing it for them, I’m doing it for me. But my heart tells me otherwise; it’s hard to stay motivated that the world will support you when the people closest to you don't. Sometimes you need assurance that you’re making the right choices.

To my fellow artists: Do not let these online metrics get to you. Do not let social media be your source of self esteem because nothing on here is real, at least not yet. Know that you and your work are bigger than any one post. It is tough to not be wishful when we witness all the time how social media is able to change people’s lives, but hold steady in your belief that your time is coming if you stay committed.

My intention with this essay is not to make it seem like I am entitled to anyone’s likes or support; I know it comes off that way when you talk about likes. It’s just part of the game, I know likes mean something different to someone who is trying to break through the algorithm and I want others to reach the same understanding. Don’t be afraid to ask others for their virtual support, just because you had to ask for something doesn't make it any less impactful.

To my general audience: Ask yourself, when was the last time someone posted on their story and you wanted to say something but you hesitated because you felt you didn’t know the person well enough? That is the whole point! There's people that I met once and we became friends later on through social media. I’ve found that I actually ask for people’s Instagram instead of their number because it takes the pressure off of reaching out; if you both are active you will eventually talk again, this time with an ice breaker already in place.

So what would it take for you to open up more? I’m not asking you to share every detail about your life, I just want you to be comfortable with sharing anything. Post that thought you had at the gym today, I might've been thinking the same thing. Post the food you made, I might be on the search for a recipe. Be social, you can actually talk to the people you follow. Even if it’s not with me, I implore you to interact with others and see how your life changes for the better.

I try to be the change I want to see. I'll comment on a post or reply to a story, even when I have the smallest thing to say. Even if I didn’t love what you posted, I’ll give you a like to acknowledge that I see you trying, being you.

I am trying to bring the social part back to social media, one like at a time.